


Talk to Me

by quentin_speaks



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Other, Panic Attack, mentions of fear of death and dying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 01:40:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15570930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quentin_speaks/pseuds/quentin_speaks
Summary: Virgil is having a panic attack and Logan has no idea how to help, so he calls Patton.





	Talk to Me

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this really quickly mostly just to get back into the swing of writing. It's based on the types of panic attacks that I've had in the past, the general feelings and fears of that, so just a warning it's a little descriptive in that aspect. Anyway I hope you enjoy it

Virgil had been pacing for the last fifteen minutes, and despite Logan’s best efforts to calm him, Virgil couldn’t seem to calm down. Logan was just standing there, so motionless, talking at him, trying to rationalize, and it was making things so much worse. It was like Logan had no idea that he needed to just shut up and walk away.

  
So Virgil paced, hands shaking, breathing heavy, trying to work himself back down slowly, trying to tune out Logan’s well-meaning drone of useless words. There was nothing to see, just a blank, dark space ahead of him, and a blank, dark space behind him. There was no future, no past, no present, only the feeling of impending doom and the sound of his own rapid, shallow breathing.

  
_Something_ was going to happen, Something Bad in particular, but he just couldn’t explain it. There was a sound or a smell, a vibration in the air, and something horrible was going to happen very soon and there was nothing he or anyone else could do to stop it. His footsteps grew heavier, his hands shook uncontrollably, and all he wanted was to be able to breathe.

  
He must’ve been talking, screaming maybe. His throat hurt and Logan was talking louder now, not yelling, but a firm and even tone. Virgil thought he heard something along the lines of “You’re talking, so you can still breathe,” which just furthered the panic in his chest. Not only was Something Bad going to happen, but he was making Logan mad at him, too. Nothing could have made it worse, he decided.

  
Somewhere in the haze Virgil registered Patton’s voice, but he couldn’t focus on it, couldn’t seem to see past his hands. He felt something beside him, keeping pace as he walked.

  
“Hey Virge? What’s wrong kiddo?” Patton said, and somehow Virgil could hear him much clearer now.

  
He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing would come out. Hadn’t he just been screaming a moment ago? Why was it so hard to just say anything? A raspy “Can’t breathe” managed to escape him, and it felt strange to him that speaking could be so difficult.

  
“I know it feels like you can’t breathe, try to breathe with me, I’ll get you through this, I promise. Breathe in with me, 1-2-3-4, hold it, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7, breathe out, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8.”

  
Virgil tried his best to follow along, his steps slowing slightly to help focus, but his breathing was too shaky. He couldn’t seem to get enough air in, and couldn’t seem to hold it at all. He was failing at this, failing at something so simple. He wondered how he’d ever lived this long being so stupid as to forget how to breathe.

  
“You’re doing really good, Virgil. Keep trying, it’ll get easier. Again, with me, okay?” Patton’s voice was gentler than Virgil remembered, like he’d done this before. It was soothing in a way.

  
He did as Patton said, breathing in, holding, breathing out. His lungs felt on fire, but it was almost a good kind, and Virgil realized that his face felt half-numb, as well as his hands. Virgil thought that maybe, he was dying, and this was all an elaborate hallucination created by his dying mind. His breathing worsened, his pace picked back up.

  
So did Patton’s, keeping an even step with Virgil’s, a few inches apart so as not to invade Virgil’s space, but still to let him know that he was there for him. “Do you want to talk to me about what you’re feeling right now?”  
Virgil felt his pace slow again, steps faltering and feeling suddenly uneasy, like he’d stepped onto a boat. Everything seemed to be twisting, and he felt dizzy. “Bad day,” he said, still struggling to completely catch his breath, “Something bad’s going to happen.”

  
“What kind of something bad?”

  
“Something…?’ Virgil said, voice trailing off. He didn’t know, what was something bad? “I’m dying? Or you’re dying?”

  
Patton’s steps slowed for a second, then picked back up as quickly as they had fallen. Virgil noticed, and felt a pang of guilt in his heart. He was worrying Patton, perfect, happy Patton, who had never been anything but an actual ray of sunshine in Virgil’s life.

  
“Virgil, can I have your hand?” Patton asked, tentative, like he was asking to hold a priceless artifact in a museum.

  
He stopped moving, looking Patton in the face for the first time, and slowly nodded, not offering his hand, but not retracting when Patton gently reached down and guided Virgil’s hand to his wrist. Patton pressed Virgil’s fingers gently to feel his pulse, meeting Virgil’s concerned gaze.

  
“Can you feel that?” He asked, “I’m still alive, and I’m not going anywhere.”

  
Virgil nodded, then slowly pressed his fingers to his own wrist, feeling his pulse, much more rapid than Patton’s. He reached for Patton’s wrist again, slowly breathing to the beat of Patton’s heart. Breathe in for four beats, hold for seven beats, exhale for eight. He could feel his own heartbeat slowing down, the world slowly coming back into focus, and Patton suddenly becoming much more real.

  
“I don’t know what happened,” Virgil said finally, “I don’t know why I’m like this.”

  
Patton smiled at him, and shook his head. “It’s okay to not know sometimes. You don’t need an explanation for being afraid.”

  
“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you or Logan, I didn’t mean for this.”

  
“It’s okay, why don’t we do something to keep your mind off of it, okay? Maybe watch a movie or play a game? We could put on some of that music you like or maybe just go for a drive?”

  
“A movie, maybe? I don’t know…” Virgil hesitated, he didn’t know exactly what to do. His lungs still hurt and he didn’t want to leave the house, didn’t want to be anywhere but the couch. “Disney, maybe?”

  
“How about Inside Out? You really seemed to like that one last time we watched it?”

  
Virgil nodded, still feeling slightly disconnected from himself. He could feel himself moving towards the couch, and could feel Patton sitting beside him, Patton’s arm around his shoulders, but everything still felt a little off. Patton searched through the menu, finding the movie and starting it, and settled in next to Virgil, letting him lay against him.

  
“Is this okay?” Virgil asked, “I’m not too close? I’m not bothering you?”

  
Patton pulled him a little closer, leaning his head against Virgil’s. “Of course it is. You know I’m always here whenever you need me, I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”


End file.
